True Chaotic Evil: The Mayo And Tomato Sandwich

Mayonnaise and Tomato, Chaotic Evil

When we are taking a look at a true chaotic evil sandwich we find that the sandwich tends to have no respect whatsoever for rules, other sandwiches, or anything but its own desires, which are typically selfish and cruel. These types of sandwiches set a high value on personal freedom, but do not have much regard for the lives or freedom of other sandwiches.

The Chaotic Evil sandwich is the most dangerous in the sandwich alignment because it represents the destruction not only of beauty and life but also the order on which beauty and life depend.

Recipes for mayo started to appear in the early 1800’s

In many highly respected and distinguished culinary circles, it’s often said that the tomato and mayo sandwich originated in the bug infested swampy South. A timeless and tangy battle between Louisiana and South Carolina to be more geographically exact. I seem to recall something about one particular mayonnaise company versus another. Which to me seems ridiculous anyhow because mayonnaise, tomatoes, and bread collectively have been around much longer than the Great South. Leading myself to imagine an early 1800’s Frenchman named Gaston slathering some mayo along with fresh sliced tomato, cracked peppercorn and sea salt on a crusty baguette then calling it a day. C’est la vie.

Tomato isn’t the only thing that gets paired with mayonnaise

As shown in the chart above, the mayo and tomato sandwich holds a spot where it belongs at the bottom right, but it’s not alone. There are other species of grotesque sandwich that occupy the same genus.

The peanut butter and mayo sandwich, the pineapple and mayo sandwich, the sweet onion and mayo sandwich. I’m sure there are countless other unheard combinations of which nightmares are made of lurking in the kitchens of the South.

A condiment that kills

What is “safe” when it comes to the food we eat? On an almost weekly basis we are warned not to eat one type of lettuce or another for fear of impending death. Fried vermin and discarded band-aids in our fast food combo meals, restaurants closed by Health Departments for unsanitary conditions beyond imagine. How do we put it all into perspective? How do we overcome and make the numbers work for us rather than against us?

Answer: Get rid of mayo.

Culturally (no pun intended) mayonnaise is akin to Typhoid Mary. It looks unassuming on the outside but what possibly lurks inside is Salmonella. A quick search on the internet reveals several scary moments in history where death and suffering is linked to none other than, mayonnaise. The numbers can be large. As recently as 1987, 404 people fell ill and nine died in a NYC hospital due to hospital prepared mayonnaise. In a hospital, people !!! This is how true evil operates, preying on the most vulnerable victims.

In 1976 four trans-atlantic flights to and from Spain serving tainted mayonnaise lead to over 500 cases of salmonella and 6 deaths. Those poor people never knew what hit them.

Those wonderful Danes were caught by surprise by the Great Denmark Mayo Outbreak of 1955, which left 10,000 people affected with illness and led to a stricter government mayonnaise regulation.

Published by Jason Stroh

I am a Los Angeles based food stylist and chef

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